Today is way better than Friday. Did I fail when I struggled with a trigger ?
Not at all, even though it felt like I was failing. In all reality “some things came up that were good and necessary and ultimately healing, so therefore it is therapy”.
In the moment it does not feel like “therapy” and it definitely does not feel like a “good thing”, but it has proven over the last 3 years to in fact be very healing and better off for me.
I’ve learned some very scary realities through those break downs.
I’ve worked through them. I’ve caused damage along the way.
I‘ve learned to not take responsibility for others faults or actions/inactions that have caused problems.
I’ve learned to speak up for myself, and I’m learning to do it appropriately.
I’m just learning what relationships look like and how they work in therapy and my doctors office. I’m literally being taught that relationships “ebb and flow” that “they are not a consistent feeling, because feelings change every day.”
I’m being taught that it’s like, “Dancing the Cha-Cha; one comes forward, the other goes back, the other comes forward, the other goes back, and sometimes, hopefully most of the time, they meet in the middle, but once in a while we have to back and forth from the middle so one person doesn’t feel smothered or overwhelmed, and that it goes both ways. It’s okay, normal, healthy, and necessary.”
I mean I’m 36 years old and have no clue how this works so I learn about it. It’s kind of embarrassing, but you know what I don’t think I have anything to be embarrassed about because we only know what we are taught and if we were never taught we don’t know, at least that my philosophy.
Remember my loves if you are like me 30 something or 40 something or whatever something just figuring things out about what makes you tick. Why you are the way you are. You will also learn the real you, you will still be you always you, but you will be the better version of you, you know the version you feel you are.
When you stumble and have a bad day, know that you are not alone. Imagine I’m standing next to you, holding your hand, saying, “You are strong. You are beautiful. You are loved. You are cherished. You are good. You are worthy. You are courageous. You are healing. You are growing. I love you. I am proud of you. And it’s a good thing!”
I have people telling me that and you may not, but now you do. I will always be your cheerleader. I’ve been on the defense with a cheering section, now you have a cheering section too.
Just like in football you can fumble the ball and recover it too.