Fuck it all!
That’s how I’m feeling today.
Fuck it all!
I have no filter.
Who the fuck cares?
I have no filter.
Fuck rape!
Fuck unwanted touch!
Fuck white men of power!
Fuck it all!
I’m so fucking over this country!
Fuck it all!
Legalize sex with children so it can’t be a crime.
What the fuck?
Seriously are you fucking kidding me?
Why are we even entertaining this?
Fuck it all!
A president…
Fuck him!
Fuck it all!
That word.
That one five letter word.
A word meant to identify,
Now a swear word.
An unfortunate series of events to make it that way.
That five letter word is a beautiful word.
A five letter word passed down.
That five letter not a swear wird to you.
They made it that way to me though.
That five letter word.
Kelly
Last night I actually slept.
Not only did I sleep I dreamt.
No only did I dream I remembered my dream.
Not only did I remember my dream, I awoke with a smile.
Whoever said, “sleep is overrated”, has never walked a day in my shoes.
Sleep is not “overrated” it’s a beautiful wonderful thing, when it doesn’t torture you.
How come?
How can I see that others deserve it?
How can I not think I do?
How can it not be okay for someone else to go through but okay for me?
How can I not see that what I would fight for someone else for I myself am worthy of?
How come I was not only shown but told that I wasn’t worth my basic rights?
How come I’m failure?
How come I’m a loser?
How come I’ll never be anything more than, “a lazy fat bitch”?
How come?
Run, run, run is all I seem to do.
Run from it all.
Run from everyone.
Run with no where to go.
Run with no plan.
Run with no one.
Run to you not from you is what I ultimately want to do.
Run from you is a mistake I make.
Run to your open arms.
Run to your warm embrace.
Run to your kiss on my forehead.
Run to you not from you.
Run, run, run is all I seem to do.
Run from pain.
Run from hurting the ones I love.
Run from feeling anything at all.
Run from fear.
Run from joy.
Run from so much good.
Run; I’m done!
Run one way.
Run the right way.
Run to you is what I must do now.
Run to you once again.
Run with blind faith.
Run, you’ve got my back.
Run together.
Run in love.
Run, run, run is all I seem to do.
They’re okay.
He’s okay.
I’m okay.
We’re okay.
Okay?!
I have no confidence in me and I’m learning to.
My loves encourage and push and believe in me.
It’s time for me to believe in me.
I can do this.
It is hard work.
I can overcome these insecurities.
I’m helping me by helping others.
A God given gift of loving and pleasing people.
I’m learning me.
I’m learning how be me.
I’m learning to be okay with me.
It’s hard work to be confident in me.
But me though,
I know,
I am a strong woman.
I can do this.
I can be me❣️
I have no confidence in me and I’m learning to.
My loves encourage and push and believe in me.
It’s time for me to believe in me.
I can do this.
It is hard work.
I can overcome these insecurities.
I’m helping me by helping others.
A God given gift of loving and pleasing people.
I’m learning me.
I’m learning how be me.
I’m learning to be okay with me.
It’s hard work to be confident in me.
But me though,
I know,
I am a strong woman.
I can do this.
I can be me❣️
Tiring.
Exhausting.
What’s real?
What isn’t?
Whats he think?
Whats she saying?
What are they looking at?
Not good enough.
Not pretty enough.
Too loud.
Too quiet.
I’ve heard them both.
Too kind.
Too gentle.
Too caring.
Too compassionate.
Too aggressive.
Too loud.
I’ve heard it all.
Too ugly.
Too fat.
Too tall.
Too “boyish”.
Too dramatic.
Talks too much.
Laughs too loud.
Loves too hard.
Too faithful.
Too loyal.
Cries too much.
Know it all.
User.
Loser.
Fatty.
Bitch.
Spoiled.
Brat.
Worthless.
No good.
Ditzy.
Dumb.
Blonde.
What happened to my name?
I’m certain they forgot it.
I love you.
Buy me this.
I love you.
Do this.
No!
Fine you don’t love me.
Their voices.
Their words.
My head.
No one but her knew.
She should have known.
Why would you know?
You didn’t know.
The shame.
The guilt.
The pain.
The one who knew didn’t seem to care?
Would you have cared?
What would you have done?
Would you have saved me?
I was told, “What happens in these four walls, stays in these four walls”.
An abusers silencing line.
“Please?”
“I love you.”
“Be a good girl.”
“Rub my back.”
“Pop this.”
A “nap” he called it.
“We all have to live here.”
“Stop causing trouble.”
“Drama queen!”
“Stop your crying.”
“Man up!”
“You fat bitch!”
“…lose 10 ugly pounds…”
“…just cut your head off.”
“Lazy!”
“Crazy!”
“Dumb blonde.”
“Bipolar!”
Mock me.
Laugh at me.
Groom me.
Trust you.
Use me.
Abuse!
Screams.
Tears.
No one hears a thing.
Hunger.
Fear.
Exhaustion!
Lonely.
Forgotten.
Abandoned.
You didn’t know.
