Tag Archives: female Asperger’s warrior

You’re Okay

Home alone again.

It’s the hardest thing for me to be.

This subconscious fear.

This anxiety.

I fight hard to distract and be okay.

I know I’m okay.

I know I’m safe here.

I know when they’ll be home.

I know that they’ll be home.

I’m home alone again.

Nothing to worry about.

I want to cry.

I’m not sure why.

I can over come this too.

A new season I’m in.

A new season we are all in.

My new season is a trigger of a past season.

Remember Kelly you know what’s real.

They went to work.

They will be home.

They can’t wait to come home to you.

You know what time everyone will be home.

You are loved.

You are wanted.

They left home.

They didn’t leave you.

Most of all though.

Remember;

You’re okay.

I’m done talking

Everytime I find something new about myself I feel more like everyone should just stay away from me. Like I shouldn’t speak because I am the most toxic person in their life in my opinion.

When I speak it gets me in trouble. I speak only the truth. Never intentionally hurting someone else’s feelings. But I always seem to trigger bad response. Then I can feel their energy and it makes me worse.

The more and more I find out I figure I should just not speak. And I feel like that is the solution.

But then just like that as if to say, “Nope I gave you that big mouth for a reason,” God oops someone in my life that says, “hey I like what you say”.

Thanks God! I’ll keep speaking the truth. But God could you teach me to be gentle again when doing so? C’mon homeboy? You can do that right?

You Didn’ Know

No one but her knew.

She should have known.

Why would you know?

You didn’t know.

The shame.

The guilt.

The pain.

The one who knew didn’t seem to care?

Would you have cared?

What would you have done?

Would you have saved me?

I was told, “What happens in these four walls, stays in these four walls”.

An abusers silencing line.

“Please?”

“I love you.”

“Be a good girl.”

“Rub my back.”

“Pop this.”

A “nap” he called it.

“We all have to live here.”

“Stop causing trouble.”

“Drama queen!”

“Stop your crying.”

“Man up!”

“You fat bitch!”

“…lose 10 ugly pounds…”

“…just cut your head off.”

“Lazy!”

“Crazy!”

“Dumb blonde.”

“Bipolar!”

Mock me.

Laugh at me.

Groom me.

Trust you.

Use me.

Abuse!

Screams.

Tears.

No one hears a thing.

Hunger.

Fear.

Exhaustion!

Lonely.

Forgotten.

Abandoned.

You didn’t know.

24 hours…

No filters, just 24 hrs alone with the love of my life, our Tesla, and nature.

Feeling refreshed…almost.

Chaos

Chaos stole my memories.

Landscape it Away…

11 Word Note to Myself

Remember the struggle is real, but your “reality” may not be.

It is not here…

It is not here.

It is there.

It’s in the past.

So shall it stay.

It will not.

Cannot.

Hurt you anymore.

A dog.

A leash.

A lie so they say.

Green.

Red.

Anger in their hearts.

Crack.

Scream.

No one hears a thing.

Burning.

Pain.

Welts upon my skin.

It is not here.

It is there.

It’s in the past.

So shall it stay.

It will not.

Cannot.

Hurt you anymore.