Tag Archives: bipolar disorder

So many times…

I am driving or showering or busy doing something and I’ll have these thoughts go through my head about what I want to write about, or speak about and then I forget. I know it seems easy to just “write it down”, but when you’re driving or elbow deep in a turkey carcass…

#thankyoubipolardisorder

Yesterday

Yesterday is gone thank goodness! After having the weirdest dream I think I could have ever had, social security decided to call; I am so done with those people! It’s a great thing I had counseling after that phone call.

My counselor could tell that the only thing that really got me upset that day, even after a little misunderstanding before that phone call, was that phone call.

Seriously people stop screwing with me already! Either give me help or don’t. Give me the insurance I paid for or don’t. It’s ridiculous to me this American system that we have. Seriously I’m so sick of this!

So anyway, yesterday was just a long day. I pushed myself further and longer than I should have. I had a stool and sitting, but just being upright since 6:20am killed me. I was wiped out after the morning, but I had stuff I wanted and needed to do, like pick my 16 year old up at work at 3. I also wanted to make some custom masks and shirts for my God-daughter for pre-k, she starts today.

If only I could tell you just how many breaks I took, just how much pain I was in, how exhausted I was. I am so beat today! I am so glad that I don’t have to do anything until it’s time to pick that 16 year old up again at the same time today. I am so tired and so sore.

I need to wash towels and do the dishes. My bathroom needs to be cleaned. I need to cook dinner. I need to fold/hang/put away my clothes that have been sitting in baskets for weeks now. I need to call the doctor. I need to do so much, but I’m so tired and I just can’t find the energy. One day of living my life and I’m down for the next several.

Social security is a joke and the system like the rest of it is rigged. They make you fight and wait hoping you’re credits will expire or you’ll give up or die waiting (which is most common). I’m so physically and mentally disabled, and mainly mentally disabled because my physical health makes me more depressed, more emotional, more everything.

Today’s musts are call the doctor, the dentist, and schedule IV fluid therapy for my P.o.T.S. I just can’t seem to get hydrated enough to feel good. I keep getting distracted and forgetting to call.

So this picture is real. It’s my exhaustion. It’s my mental and physical state all captured in one. Yesterday was a rough one. I’m glad it’s done!

01/04/2021