Tag Archives: bipolar depression

Yesterday

Yesterday is gone thank goodness! After having the weirdest dream I think I could have ever had, social security decided to call; I am so done with those people! It’s a great thing I had counseling after that phone call.

My counselor could tell that the only thing that really got me upset that day, even after a little misunderstanding before that phone call, was that phone call.

Seriously people stop screwing with me already! Either give me help or don’t. Give me the insurance I paid for or don’t. It’s ridiculous to me this American system that we have. Seriously I’m so sick of this!

So anyway, yesterday was just a long day. I pushed myself further and longer than I should have. I had a stool and sitting, but just being upright since 6:20am killed me. I was wiped out after the morning, but I had stuff I wanted and needed to do, like pick my 16 year old up at work at 3. I also wanted to make some custom masks and shirts for my God-daughter for pre-k, she starts today.

If only I could tell you just how many breaks I took, just how much pain I was in, how exhausted I was. I am so beat today! I am so glad that I don’t have to do anything until it’s time to pick that 16 year old up again at the same time today. I am so tired and so sore.

I need to wash towels and do the dishes. My bathroom needs to be cleaned. I need to cook dinner. I need to fold/hang/put away my clothes that have been sitting in baskets for weeks now. I need to call the doctor. I need to do so much, but I’m so tired and I just can’t find the energy. One day of living my life and I’m down for the next several.

Social security is a joke and the system like the rest of it is rigged. They make you fight and wait hoping you’re credits will expire or you’ll give up or die waiting (which is most common). I’m so physically and mentally disabled, and mainly mentally disabled because my physical health makes me more depressed, more emotional, more everything.

Today’s musts are call the doctor, the dentist, and schedule IV fluid therapy for my P.o.T.S. I just can’t seem to get hydrated enough to feel good. I keep getting distracted and forgetting to call.

So this picture is real. It’s my exhaustion. It’s my mental and physical state all captured in one. Yesterday was a rough one. I’m glad it’s done!

01/04/2021

Run

Run, run, run is all I seem to do.

Run from it all.

Run from everyone.

Run with no where to go.

Run with no plan.

Run with no one.

Run to you not from you is what I ultimately want to do.

Run from you is a mistake I make.

Run to your open arms.

Run to your warm embrace.

Run to your kiss on my forehead.

Run to you not from you.

Run, run, run is all I seem to do.

Run from pain.

Run from hurting the ones I love.

Run from feeling anything at all.

Run from fear.

Run from joy.

Run from so much good.

Run; I’m done!

Run one way.

Run the right way.

Run to you is what I must do now.

Run to you once again.

Run with blind faith.

Run, you’ve got my back.

Run together.

Run in love.

Run, run, run is all I seem to do.

Picture just for fun ❤️ Crystal Creek Reservoir Pikes Peak North Slope Recreation Area. I thought I saw a Big Foot creeping around there 😉