My biggest fear is dying today or tomorrow and living my whole life without being his wife.
Waisting all my love on the wrong people my life, and now giving more than I have ever given. Baring more of me than I ever have before to anyone. Carrying the wrong last name. The men who “made” me were all wrong; I carry one of their names and it’s a constant reminder of where I have come from.
I have big dreams and goals and ambitions and because of those “men” I may never be able to be taken seriously and always just be a “day dreamer”, but I seriously want those things, but I’m mostly not emotionally stable enough to be in society let alone to handle the stress that would come with trying to become a lawyer or a doctor. I never know what will trigger a PTSD Panic Attack thing and it’s embarrassing when it happens; when I lose control.
If I do achieve those things tomorrow the only man who has ever given me strength, confidence, love, courage, encouragement, asked me how I am doing, and literally has changed my life and gave me a life gets no recognition. His hard work, his efforts, his patience, strength, love, support, all of it…His love for me shown to everyone every time someone calls me by his name. What an honor!
If I die tomorrow at least I can say for one day I was his wife, what a privilege it was to have that honor. Biggest fear never being his wife and having the life I always fantasized about.